Flying high

I love travel, but I find the airline experience to be about as intuitive, and enjoyable, as performing my own lobotomy.

The need to be rustled by cattle through endless lines, being crammed into seats that would make a smurf cringe, and the ever-present “interesting characters” just seem to suck the joy out of travel.  Paying top price for the experience makes me yearn for high-speed rail, or the possibility of being launched from a cannon instead.

My trip home, yesterday, highlights the joys of air travel. As a responsible flyer I picked my window seat, so I could avoid a bout of air sickness, and checked in ahead of time. I gleefully downloaded a book to read, and patiently waited for the announcement to use mobile devices. To my joy, the captain informed us that mobile devices were free to use as long as they were in airplane mode.

After reviewing the ever important safety instructions, where we are told where life vests and flotation devices are (infinitely useful during my overland flight). I proceeded to ignore the large man next to me so I could read. My ability to ignore my neighbors constant shuffling and push onto my seat was awe-inspiring, then he started “tsking” at me for reading.

The flight attendant, on a few occasions, tried to explain to my neighbor that my reading was allowed, but he would have none of it. I reluctantly put away my phone, so that there would be no escalation, and the need for us to land early, because of some dimwits fear that my phone would hurtle us into the nearest body of water.

Ahhh, the joys of travel.