Being an ally takes more than words. As a straight-Cis-Male, I have had to learn a lot about my desire to be a better feminist, and a better person. The first thing I’ve learned is, I have to listen, a lot. I have to swallow my over inflated ego, and listen. I’ve learned that my voice, is best utilized when it is elevating the voices of others. I’ve learned that being an activist and progressive is a lot more complex than I could ever expect. People that I wish to help are as multifaceted, as any other group. The different opinions and approaches are a maze to navigate. It’s essential to find the place where I can do the most good, and stick to it.
I’ve learned that the work needs to be done, for the sake of the future. I will never see a day where all people are truly regarded as equals. I’ll never see a completely just society. I can help lay the foundation to it, and that’s the most important thing I can do as an individual. I don’t need accolades or recognition for the work I am doing, I simply need more people to realize that the change with need starts with them. Small things, a little at a time, are essential. This is no sprint, it’s not even a marathon. It’s a relay marathon, and we need everyone helping out.
A note to my fellow-men. We are all dripping with levels of toxic masculinity. A truly good man gives to others, because it is the right, and just, thing to do. We have grown up being told that we must take what we want. That to be a “man” we must hide our emotions, and defend each other at all cost. We fear showing weakness, because it’s not “manly”. We defend the patriarchy, because it gives us a default “special” place in society.
We have been taught wrong. Embracing our emotions makes us more powerful. We become wholly ourselves. We must treat everyone with the same respect, kindness, and nurturing, that we would love to have for ourselves. We must speak out against injustice, no matter who is committing it. We must earn our place in society, through our words and deeds.
Feminism is not a threat to masculinity. It is our salvation, should we learn to embrace it. I don’t expect to win the praise of my fellow-men with these words, and to be frank, I don’t care to. We are each on this journey alone, and we can choose to embrace ourselves fully, and help others, or we can continue down a lonely, hollow, path. I choose to be wholly myself, and to be an ally to others. I can only hope that others do the same.
I’ve also realized that I am far from the perfect ally. My temper comes and goes. I am not as kind as I should be to those that love me the most. I have been damaged by the same elements in society that I seek to fight against. This is no excuse. I am in charge of my destiny and in control of my own actions. It is up to me to keep on changing for the better, and up to me to deal with the consequences of my shortcomings. I am ok with this, I own this. I take responsibility for my actions, and I will continue to try to be better. I will not always succeed, but I will not allow my fragility to excuse poor behavior.
For those that I have hurt, I am truly sorry, for those that I have helped, I don’t seek praise or recognition. I simply ask you to pay it forward.
Much work is left to be done. I ask that no matter what our mutual experiences entail, that you work with me. Let us make the world a truly better place.